I wannas sexs uuuuu
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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