we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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