omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's the barista slut.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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