He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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