Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
