I think I died a long time ago.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
