I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
