he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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