wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
