His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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