im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
