trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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