People in love make me want to vomit
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
