Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
