soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
