I look better un-naked...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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