He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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