there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
