I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm passing your future prison.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
