Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
