masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
