sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
