so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
