I'm so fucking centered right now
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
