even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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