its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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