Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
