Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
