I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
