You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
