I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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