operation harelip BJ is a go
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
