Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
