Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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