We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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