Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
