i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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