That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
