I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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