so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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