She's JV to your varsity
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
