Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
