Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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