Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
