Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Enjoy the penises
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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