i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can I color on your dick again?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
