Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
