im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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