Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
