i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
