yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
