I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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